Our Simple But Complicated Lives
by Cappuri.Cinoki
Summary: For so long, I had searched for someone to love and to love me in return, someone to make me complete. This is the story of us, which can never be forgotten. - A series of glimpse of her life with the one that she has been waiting for a very long time. (Re-posted)
1. 01 WAITING

01 WAITING

_~ Will you be here for me, if I leave, because I will be here for you, if you do._

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It is the longest night, especially on the nights when she misses him so much.

He was not with her tonight. He had called her earlier to tell her that he can't see her for some time. She felt disappointed but he had also given her something to look forward too.

He had promised her that the next time he is with her, it will be for forever. All he asked was for her to be patient and wait.

So she waited.

And waited.

And still waited.

It has been months since then.

While she was waiting, he didn't even once call her. Not even a letter. He knew her number. He knew her address. He knew all of her. And she found herself knowing nothing about him except for his name, his profession, and his promise to her and most of all his love for her.

She wanted to call, if only she have his number. She wanted to go to him, if only she knows where he is. She wanted to see him. But most of all, she wanted to be with him, and him to be with her.

But as she had promised to wait for him, she was determined to not break her promise. So she continued to wait.

And more months have passed since then.

Then at one night as she lay on her bed unable to sleep, there was a knock on her door. She became curious about who would be knocking at this late hour.

She opened her door and her heart lurched.

He was standing right in front of her.

The person she had been waiting all this time.

He smiled at her and she leapt joyfully into his warm embrace, kissing him passionately.

"I'm back." He whispered into her ear.

She pulled back a little, "Welcome back. How long will stay this time?"

He raised an eyebrow and traced her lovely face with his fingers. "Did I not promise you that the next time I am with you, it will be for forever? I want to be with you forever, if you'll have me."

She smiled and kisses him again. "Good. Because I don't ever want to wait again."

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_~ But I know you're worth the wait. I've got so much more to gain by waiting for you._

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_But you always find a way and always find the words to say; to keep me right here waiting for you. Even if you chose to walk away, I'd still be right here searching for the things to say… to keep you right here waiting for me. _

(Love the lyrics. I just thought it kind of fits this chapter. This chapter is kinda based on the song Right Here Waiting by Staind, which in my own personal preference is a great song to listen to. Because the lyrics are almost like a poem, I love it.)

~ DISCLAIMER : Re-posted, because it got deleted previously.


	2. 02 COMFORT

02 COMFORT

_~ Dream of me when you sleep._

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She awoke in the middle of the night to a somewhat rasping sound beside her. She found that he was still asleep. But his breathing ragged, his expression was as if he was in pain and his body is covered in cold sweat. It took her a second to breathe again before she slowly leaned closer to his side.

He was having another nightmare.

And it's becoming more frequent lately.

She looked at his features carefully, tenderly brushing the hair out of his face. Her lips trembled as she placed a kiss on his forehead and his lips. She felt helpless, not knowing how to make his nightmare go away. She felt useless, unable to provide comfort in his dreams.

She could only hold on to hope that he is not beyond her redemption. Gently she snuggled up to his body and held him tightly as she could.

"I love you," she whispered into his ear before slowly submitting to sleep, hoping that their dreams will intertwine together so she could offer him her comfort there.

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_~ You're in the arms of the angel, may you find some comfort there._

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Beneath a veil so cold, you deeply sleep, all alone. I watched as you dreamed, you laughed like a child. So dear, and yet so far - that is the promise of our future.

Now, within my own heart, I want to keep you warm. So dear, and yet so far - in the name of peace….Fields of Hope.

_(Is it only me, or is the song Fields of Hope is actually about Lacus and Athrun? So dear and yet…so far)_


	3. 03 SWAY

03 SWAY

_A smile is a dance of the face but a dance is a smile of the body._

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Despite her image as a classy, elegant and graceful young woman, she does have a…flaw.

And she was quite embarrassed about it.

Many people who know her, especially her relatives and friends would've never thought that…

Well….

She cannot dance.

And the big day of her best friend is around the corner, and there will be dancing. And there's no escaping it, as she knows her best friend would most probably drag her to the dance floor and make…no, _will_ force her to dance with any guy she could find for her to dance with.

She became so worried that she didn't realize she was pouting the whole day, until he mentioned it to her after they had finish dinner together. She hesitated to tell him about her…dancing issues, but looking at his very concerned face she decided to tell him.

"I can't dance." She stated to him, then bit her lip and pouted again, waiting for the laughter. It didn't come and she turned to him, he was looking at her with an amused expression.

"That's what got you worrying all day?"

She gave him a nod, still pouting.

He leaned back and exhaled, "Whew, I thought it was something serious."

"This is serious! My best friend is getting married next week, and there will be dancing and –"

He suddenly caught her lips with his. She didn't get to finish her sentence. And just as she began to deepen the kiss, he pulled away.

"I can teach you to dance right now, if you want to."

Her eyes gleam with hope and she leaned into him for a quick kiss, "I would love to."

He took her hand and gently led her to the living room, then he picked one of the CDs in the shelves and placed it within the tray before pressing the 'play' button. He walked back towards her as music began to drift through the speakers. It had a classic and soothing sound to it, which made her smiled. He had picked one of her favourite classic music.

"Now my precious love, I shall teach a very simple dance. It's called slow dance. Now, place your hands on my shoulders, and I place my hands on your back."

"Like this?"

"Yes."

"And then?" When he didn't say reply, she looked up at him only to realize that their faces are so close. His lips curled up at each end, "And then my dear, you sway."

"What?" she giggled, "You 'sway'?"

"Yes, you sway and slowly step from side to side, moving in a circle." He whispered in into her ear and proceeded to demonstrate to her. She on the other hand, trying hard not to giggle, obligingly followed his movements.

She tried to follow his movement, but failed miserably.

"Ow."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

"It's ok. Just watch where you put your feet."

"Uh…ok, I'll try."

He inhaled sharply in pain.

"I'm sorry!"

Few seconds later, she stepped on his foot again. She stopped dancing.

"Okay, clearly dancing is not my forte."

She tried walking away, but he quickly caught her. "Slow down, love. We are 'slow' dancing, remember?"

"I'm not good at this. I'm…I'm a little nervous."

He placed a finger under her chin, making her look at him. He whispered into her again, "Just… relax. Close your eyes and just…feel."

She inhaled and tried closing her eyes and concentrate on not stepping on his feet. She began to relax gradually as he quietly lead her. Leaning forward slightly, she rested her head on his shoulder while sighing contentedly. He responded by pulling her closer and gently stroking her back, then placing a soft kisses on her neck.

She let out a small chuckle, "That tickles."

He gave her few more kisses before leaning into her too. She doesn't have to see his face, she knows he is smiling. "I know."

"Can I ask you something?" her voice was a whisper.

"Of course."

"Will you teach me dancing again tomorrow night?"

"Yes..."

"Athrun?" she whispered again, this time she pulled back to see his face.

"Hmm?"

"Will you come with me to the wedding?"

His movement came to a pause. He leaned in closer and murmured, "Yes..."

He gave her another smile before capturing her lips with his own for a long searing kiss.

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_My dear, we're slow dancing in a burning room._

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Put your head on my shoulder...hold me in your arms. Show me that you love me too. Put your lips next to mine, dear…won't you kiss me once. Just a kiss goodnight. Whisper in my ear, baby…words I want to hear. Tell me that you love me too.

_(I always think that beneath Lacus's perfect image, she must have a flaw. Or rather flaws. Perfect is boring.)_


	4. 04 CONTRITE

04 CONTRITE

_~ I have learned now that while those who speak about one's miseries usually hurt, those who keep silence hurt more._

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He is sleeping at the moment. She caresses his smooth face while watching him slumber. She moved her hand away when she felt him stirred in her touch. He slowly opened his eyes and blinked a few times.

"What are you doing?" he asked, startling her slightly.

"Watching you sleep," she admitted.

He stared at her, puzzled. "Why?" he said while getting up into a half lying position.

"Because I love it and because I can," she gave him her best smile before leaning closer to him. She remained her close distance to him, looking intensely into his emerald eyes for several moments until he turned his face away from her. "Is something wrong?"

He turned to her and opened his mouth to speak but hesitated, "Nothing," he stated quietly with a sigh.

"Are you sure?" Her eyes showed disappointment.

He remained quiet.

She raised her hands to cup his face; instead he backed away, trying to avoid her touch. "Talk to me, please?" she finally said in a whisper.

"I'm not sure if I should."

"Why is that?" She waited patiently for over a minute for him to answer. She knew if she questioned him further, he would not give her any answer.

She could see him clenching his jaw tightly, "If I tell you, you'll never ever see me the same way again. You'll leave me for sure,"

"You silly man," she said sadly while lightly stroking his hair, "I will not leave you; it's far too late for that."

"I hope with all my heart that's true," he replied to her.

She took another deep breath. "Whenever you are ready, just know that I'm here for you, always." she said slowly, "And I also want you to know, whatever it is you've done or have been involved in, it doesn't change the fact that you mean the world to me."

He just stared at her in silence.

"Will you let me hold you?" she whispered to him.

After he gave her a small nod, she put her arms around him and cuddled him.

"I want all of you, Athrun. Everything from your flaws to your flairs. I want to share everything with you. I want to grow old with you. So…don't push me away, okay?"

"I am not pushing you away," he said in a small voice.

"But you won't let me in either," she replied as she fiddled with his soft hair. "It hurts me to think that you do not trust me."

"I do trust you, love," he whispered. "I just don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to lose me," she said with conviction. "No matter what."

"How can you be so sure of that?"

"Because I love you," she replied bluntly.

It took a second for him to find his voice. "You love me?" She could sense doubt in his tone.

"More than you'll ever know," she admitted. "And if you told me that you've spent a lifetime tossing little babies into an industrial wood chipper and chopping people's head off just for kicks, I'd still love you. I wouldn't be thrilled of course, but I'd still love you," she finished and leaned over to place a kiss on a mouth that had begun to smile.

She gave him a long sensual kiss then leaned her forehead onto his "You may trust me to a point, but you don't trust me completely." she said quietly when they parted. "I have to be at work in half an hour. I've made breakfast for you. It's in the kitchen." she added on her way to the door.

"Lacus," he called her before she could leave and she stopped in the doorway, slowly turning back to him. "Just…give me a little more time, okay?" he asked penitently.

"Alright." She agreed with a smile and vanished down the hall.

He quietly sat on the edge of the bed and kept looking at the doorway, where she had stood few minutes ago. "She loves me," he said quietly to the room and slowly his lips curled into a smile.

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_If some things are better left unsaid, then maybe they too are better left undone._

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(Somehow I don't really fancy this chapter, I was literally headbanging me head to make it more like the one I have in my head. Hope it doesn't turns out bad in the end for you readers. Enjoy.)


	5. 05 STRANGER

05 STRANGER

_~ The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious._

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"You never come out anymore." said Flay to her.

She scoffed at her best friend's remark, "I go out more than I should."

"Look, I know you're still upset about the whole 'Rusty trying to scam you and rip off all your hard work' but you should really come with us to this new club in town. I've been really looking forward to go there. Plus, that thing about Rusty was like two months ago."

"He didn't just try to scam and rip me off, Flay. He even tried to make a pass at me!" She waved her hand angrily in the air.

"Well, yeah but…at least you get back at him right? He's got a broken nose and broken jaw now."

"Then why is that not making me feel any better?" she sighed into the phone.

"I have just the right remedy for you. You have to come to the club tonight. Kira has promised to dance with every one of us."

She raised an eyebrow, "And how did you get him to do that?"

"He lost an argument." Flay answered her. "And I heard reports that cool guys might be there."

"Yippie," she sarcastically said.

"Yeah, right. So sue me. You know you are a sucker for that, Lacus. Eight o'clock. We'll get there early so we can get a table."

"The most sensible thing you've said yet." she said.

"Okey-dokey, sweetie. See ya there. You better be," Flay hung up, but not before imitating a kiss in the phone to her.

_It'll be okay_, she thought. _I won't dance. Just enjoy the drinks. _

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She got there late because she hates to wait alone. It made her feel and looked like an idiot. Miriallia and Kira were already seated at a classic looking but stylish table. Flay was at the bar, probably ordering drinks for them.

She observed the club. The place was gorgeous, brocaded curtains all around the walls. The waitresses wore long gowns that looked so exquisite. It was the opposite of every other place in town; a brilliant idea. The lighting was very gentle; though the price of the drinks was pretty harsh. But the place was very stunning, it was worth it. She just needs to make sure to control her alcohol

intake.

Miriallia and Kira danced together first. It was a beautiful sight. She gazed at them dancing and found herself settling back into her chair, half watching them, half daydreaming, mindlessly. Despite all the activity around her, or maybe because of it, she strangely felt…somewhat at peace. The only disturbance was when Kira insisted on taking her out on the floor. She groaned at him but after much coaxing by all her friends, she finally gives in but got her frustration out by making Kira dragging her onto the dance floor. She gave him a teasing smile when he gave her an exasperated look when they reached the dance floor. He just shook his head when she shrugged her shoulder, trying to look innocent.

Her right hand was in his left and his right hand touched her only lightly on the back. They both were mostly looking at each other's feet, trying to match their steps.

"I should step on your feet." she suggested out of the blue.

"Why on earth would you want to do that?" Kira said to her in a flabbergasted tone.

"That's the way every little girl learns to dance. Standing on her dad's big shoes as he swings her around. At least, that's what my father taught me," she explained, smiling.

Kira smiled too, very warmly. "If you do, I will have to kick you. These are new shoes," he said sweetly.

"Touché. Well, it's the thought that counts."

The music ended and they wended their way back to their table.

"Thank you, sir." she said.

"A privilege and a pleasure." Kira replied and bowed as extended his hand to Flay, who excitedly accepted it.

But before she could sit down, she felt someone come up behind her. She felt the person took her arms and swept her back to the dance floor. Literally, swept her. There is no other better word for it.

She was so stunned she did nothing as hand clasped hers and she felt strong arms around her solidly, unlike Kira, pulling her into him until their whole bodies were touching.

She could feel his eyes looking down at her, and she made she made the mistake of looking back up. Enticing emerald eyes meet her blue alluring eyes. Those mesmerizing emerald orbs belong to a fine-looking face.

Somehow, those eyes held her eyes there; she couldn't even think about how she was moving, but she didn't have to. The effect was so compelling, she felt exactly like a little girl standing on her father's shoes. An incredible hypnotic waltz, it struck her as being half dance, half carnival till it built into something more and more dramatic, like a ballet. She couldn't look away; those emerald eyes wouldn't let her. And he made her spun and spun and spun. She felt dizzy…and breathless…in this stranger's arms.

'_Who are you?' _she thought.

"It's called the Masquerade Waltz," was all he said.

She was a very bad dancer in secret, but she was so into and lost in the dance that the fact she is a very bad at dancing didn't even register in her mind. And they just turned and turned and turned around on the dance floor till everything else was a blur. Till al she sees was only him. The waltz was, in fact four minutes and twenty-two seconds long, but she felt as if she was in some timeless place.

She could feel his large hand around her much smaller hand, and the warmth of his body. He didn't let her go for one instant. She was disoriented, deeply and dazzlingly disoriented. Dazed even.

When the song ended, he gently let his hand run up her back to her neck for a moment. She shivered at the gesture, tempted to lean more into his body. She finally was able to break away from his gaze, but he was already guiding her back to her table. Then he left wordlessly.

She slowly sank into her chair. Miriallia and Kira were on the dance floor again, but Flay was there. She remained silent as her best friend gave her a mischievous smile, while she tried to steady her breath, and steady her thundering heart.

"He looked pretty cool." Flay said to her, then turned to the direction the stranger had disappeared to.

"Way cooler," she replied.

"Mysterious stranger," Flay said dreamily; then more sensibly, "As the saying goes, sometimes you just gotta dance."

"I guess," was all she managed to say.

For the rest of the night, no one, not even the persuasive Flay could get her back on that dance floor. She was still stupefied, emotionally stunned. And she didn't want to replace that feeling with anything else.

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_~ You always admire what you really don't understand._

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(Enjoy this chapter, reader. I know I do.)


	6. 06 AGAPE

06 AGAPE

_~ Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning._

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"So, how are things between you and him lately?"

"Great, really great. Things are...very nice, better than I have ever expected."

"That's really great. So you're finally bringing him to meet your mother?"

"Yes."

"Bet your mom is veryyy excited," Lunamaria, her friend who also happens to be her agent, said mischievously.

"Yes, I talked with her in the phone last week, she…kind of interrogated me for over an hour," she said with an aggrieved sigh, before focusing back on the canvas in front of her.

"She's just happy about this new beau of yours," her friend consoled. "By the way, there's a rumour I heard about you and him living together, is it true?"

She remained silent as she took a new brush, "Yes, he moved in with me couple of months ago."

"Oh really?" her playful friend asked with raised eyebrows. "So, I take it you have finally broken your long standing vow of chastity?"

"No," she immediately said. "And that is none of your business to know."

Lunamaria chuckled. "Fine fine, suit yourself," she leaned closer and whispered at her ear," but I know you'll spill me the juicy details eventually. Me and the girls would really love to know everything about your first time experience."

She rolled her eyes at her friend, and continued her work…or at least pretended to. _Why is it every time she got herself a new guy, the first thing they would ask her is…has she lose her virginity?_

Lunamaria let out a small laugh, "So if you are staying with this guy, you must be very serious about him."

"Don't you have your hands full with your many other...ah...interests?" she teased Lunamaria, trying to change the subject.

"Well, variety is the spice of life and all that."

"Riiight."

They both abruptly stopped talking. Only the sound of brush on canvas is heard.

…...

…...

Until Lunamaria decided to open her mouth again.

"He must be really serious about you if he's not trying to get into your pants. I mean how can you both live together for months and still not have…'do it'? How can a guy refrain from not getting some for MONTHS?"

She stopped painting, took a deep breath and gently put the brush down. Then she slowly turned to Lunamaria. She tilts her head a little and gave her dear friend a sympathetic smile.

"Being together with someone does not always have to be physical. What matters is you are content just to love each other."

Lunamaria just stared at her, with a confused and puzzled look. Gradually, Lunamaria's eyes widen in realization. "Oh my gosh, Lacus Clyne…" her voice registered true shock, "You…you can't really be serious."

She merely tilted her head to the other side with her brows raised.

Lunamaria gaped at her, "You are...really serious, this time."

Her brows narrowed a little, "What are you talking about?"

"Are you...truly in love?"

For a moment, she wavered. She had said the words to him earlier today. She still remembered his reaction after she spoke those words to him. Doubt, withdrawal, and afraid. She too was afraid deep inside. Afraid of…his rejection. Devastated even, if he'd crushed her heart and denied her confession of love to him. But instead he had asked for more time. She had waited for him before for a long time, would she be willing to wait again for him to…let her in completely?

Or rather, would she let herself be vulnerable again?

She knew the moment she said those three words, she would destroy the last barricade that stood between her heart and everything that had always threatened to hurt her. Maybe it had started with the loss of her dear loving father, or maybe it had been the betrayal of her first love, or maybe it had something to do with the long procession of men who had claimed to love her when in reality, it was only the spotlight that accompanied her success that they aimed and sought for.

Till then, she had managed to protect herself from the disappointment of a love lost, by never allowing it in.

Until he came into her life.

Until she falls deeply in love with him.

Transpiring into an expectant silence, she lets go of her fears and breathed in the truth and found...solace and serenity.

She smiled wider as she softly said, "Yes. Truly. Madly. Deeply. Utterly."

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_~ Love is just love, it can never be explained._

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(The word _'agape'_ comes from the Greek language of the word love. I love the last quote here, it makes sense. One can't really explain love; you can only truly feel it. This chapter is somewhat connected to the chapter Contrite.)


	7. 07 LOSS

07 LOSS

_~ He who has gone, so we but cherish his memory, abides with us, more potent, nay, more present than the living man._

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It all felt like a dream, but she is wide awake.

She felt empty. Like a part of her was missing, a large empty space, with nothing seems capable to fill it.

She didn't want it. Acknowledging it would only make it worse. It was nothing like any feeling she had ever felt. Dreadful, miserable, and….and cruel. Accepting it would only kill her inside. Why? Why her? She had hoped it would've never happen to her. Her mother says it will all be better with time, but she knows things will never be the same from that moment on.

"Lacus," her mother called quietly.

"Yes?" she answered, not wanting to hear.

"It's time." Her mother gave her shoulder a small squeeze, silently giving her support. "They are all waiting for us."

She bit her trembling lips and nodded. She throws on her jacket as her mom gathers her stuff and then heads for the car. Her mom starts the engine; but the whole journey was rode in silence between them.

As they reach their destination and her mother parked the car, her heart pounded with anxiety, but she knew she would have to go inside eventually. There were many cars were parked around them, and she felt strange to be with so many people she don't know. She felt like an outsider, unnoticed, unseen, and invisible. Reluctantly, she gets out of the car.

She tried to control herself as she held her mother's hand tightly while passing through the whispering crowd of people. They make sad faces toward her family, pointed, and whispered again. Then slowly one by one walked over to them and offered their condolences especially to her mother, who accepted politely.

'I'm so sorry for your loss, Mrs Lara Clyne. He was the greatest men I've known.'

'If you ever need anything, or someone to talk to, I'll be there for you.'

'I'm so sorry for your loss.'

'You father is truly one of a kind. I'm sorry for you loss.'

After the third person spoke to her, she quietly lets go of her mother's hand and stopped hearing the condolences that comes after. Her mind registered only one word.

Loss.

Loss.

Loss.

She wanted desperately to leave, but she knew she couldn't. It was like an invisible force was dragging her feet to move forward.

When she finally reached the coffin, she fought hard not to cry or let a tear fall.

She swallowed hard. It was awful when she saw him, his body still, cold, unmoving, lifeless. Her mind went completely blank, and she felt terribly frightened. This...this body looked nothing like her dad. _He is not lying in that coffin. He is not pale. He is not…dead. He is not dead. _

But reality is cruel and the truth hurts.

She knelt down beside her father's coffin and hung her head in silent prayer. Rising from her kneeling position, she took another look at her father. So ever so gently, in a slow motion she leaned herself over and kiss his forehead.

It is not what she expected. It doesn't feel like the warm and gentle spirit she remembered. It felt like she had just kissed a hard, cold stone. Reality and truth slowly starts to sink into her. Her father is truly gone and lying there before her. She felt more alone than ever. She felt abandoned. She had no idea what she will do next.

People are still coming up to her and saying to her words of comfort but she feels no comfort from any of those words. Her mind went numb and gloomy as she sat herself down with her family.

She quietly goes through the motions, the procession and the speeches. She heard the words but she was not listening. As the speeches went on, she turned to her family. Her brother was consoled by Anela, his wife. Her mother was holding her younger sister. She on the other hand, was alone. The person who never fails to be there for her was already gone, lying in the coffin in front of her.

Memories and thoughts began to flow through her mind. She thought about her childhood, how protected and loved she felt from her father. How regretted she was when she had taken her father for granted while he were still alive, beside her, smiling, talking, breathing, alive.

She remembered the first time he thought her how to ride a bike, how he helped her with her homework, when he would always gave her a piggyback when they went hiking, how proud he was when she graduated, how happy he was when she won her first art competition…

But of all the memories she had of her father, the one that stood out the most was the holidays their family spent at the lake house. But now it's all over. She looked up, only to see people staring forlornly at her. She didn't like to get pitied on, it made her feel hopeless. She couldn't take it anymore, she stood up and ran to the bathroom, slamming the door shut. Seconds later, her shoulders shook hard and tears rolled down her cheeks. She cried alone. She cried for her dad, cried for the lake house, and the lost memories.

"Lacus?" she heard her mom's voice from outside the bathroom door. She sniffed quietly.

"Lacus, I know you're in there please open up," her mother called again. She took a deep breath before slowly opening the door. She silently watched as her mother tucked her cherry blossom hair behind her ear.

"Lacus, sweetheart," her mom said to her while brushing the tears from her eyes, and gently pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Sweetheart, I know this is very hard for you, I am grieving too you know." Lara tenderly stroked her daughter's head. The simple gesture made her cried again, harder. This time, she finally gave into her emotions.

"It hurts too much, mom. I'm…I'm not…ready. I'm not ready yet. I can't believe he's gone." She struggled between sobs. Her mother began patting her back, "I know, sweetie. I know. But think of it this way, even though he's gone from our lives, he'll always, always be in our hearts."

"It's just…too soon. Too soon. I'm not ready for this!" Her shoulders shook harder, and she felt her mother's embrace strengthened.

"I know, sweetie. I'm here for you. I will always be here for you. Let it all out, Lacus. Cry, just cry," Lara began to choke on her breath, her lips trembling. "Just let it all out, sweetie. Cry… it'll make you feel better."

Both mother and daughter sobbed in each other's embrace.

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_~ Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. _

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(Funerals are very interesting, for me. Anyway, enjoy this chapter.)

_P/S: Lacus mother's name struck me more as Lara, which in Latin means protected or protection, says the internet. The name was kind of inspired by Noink's fic Aegis. By the way, where have all the AxL writers gone?_


	8. 08 LOVE

08 LOVE

_~ Love is not blind; it simply enables one to see things others fail to see._

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"What's wrong?" she asked him seeing as he didn't give any reaction when she pressed her lips to the tight muscles just below his collarbone.

"Nothing—-just tired."

"And apparently tense as well. I can feel it." she rose up on an elbow and studied her lover. His emerald eyes were darker than usual especially in the dim moonlight, obscuring her capability to read what lay within their depths. She was at a great disadvantage; whenever she was unable to see his eyes, because that was the one place where she could see his emotions, desires and secrets, bare-stripped and exposed.

She placed her palm in the center of his chest, felt his heart beat steady and sure, and then she smoothly eased her leg over his thigh. "Want to tell me why?"

He sighed and laid a hand on the back of her neck, drawing her back down before replying quietly, "I was thinking about how much I don't like other people touching you, or even trying to."

"Other people." She was silent for a long moment. "Other people like Dearka Elthman?"

"He would be one," he noted nonchalantly as he thought of how the obnoxious actor brags about his charm and evidently most eligible bachelor of the year title. That idiot practically ruined their pleasant dinner date tonight.

"I should have realized that you would know exactly what he was doing." she sighed, well aware that her previous…liaisons with Dearka had been the target of numerous paparazzi and magazines and that he would have read about. "You do know that I am completely over him, don't you?"

"That doesn't mean he's also over you"

"Obviously no, after what happened at dinner tonight" she mused, "I suppose some people do change for the worse."

"I'm going to kill him."

His tone and face absolutely serious, but she merely laughed and fit her body more closely to him. "I know how that feels like but he's not worth any of it. But I'm sorry if he bothered you. I really enjoyed tonight's dinner with you, despite his appearance out of nowhere."

"It's not your fault, and there's no need for you to apologize." he gently turned her head and kissed her forehead, shifting on his side until their bodies touched along their lengths. "I can see now why it's so hard for you to constantly be the center of attention. So many people take liberties."

She caught her breath as her heart filled with a combination of wonder and surprise. She affectionately gazed at him, "Every time you say something like that, I fall in love with you all over again."

He leaned his forehead against hers, a feeling of ultimate peace and rightness stealing over him, "I…," he took a deep breath and finished before he could change his mind, "I love you, Lacus."

For the second time that night, she was speechless. She pressed even nearer, her breasts against his broad chest. "That means everything to me," she murmured, tracing her fingertips along the lines of his jaw before tilting her head up for a kiss. She lingered on the warmth of his lips, gliding her fingers over his silky blue hair as she explored the warmth of his mouth further with her tongue. When she drew back, she added huskily, "I love you too. No one has ever been able to reach inside me the way you do."

He smiled at her, all his emotions clear on his adorable face. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it gently before rubbing the backs of her fingers against his cheek. "You have my heart, Lacus."

For an instant, she closed her eyes. When she opened them, even the dim light inside the room could not hide the shimmer of tears. "You have mine, as well."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_~ Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning._

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(I can't help but cringe a little bit every time I read what I wrote in here. Too sentimental? Too much lovey-dovey? I think I overdo it. And Lacus was involved with Dearka? I know, weird and really bad. Oh well, do enjoy this chapter. This is for all you AxL fans.)


	9. 09 SEPARATE

09 SEPARATE 

_~ And there are some things we don't know…sometimes a heart just needs to go._

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Her jaw tightened as she saw the seriousness in his eyes. "Ok. Alright," she licked her lips and finally asked. "What do I need to do to fix this?"

"Nothing. There's nothing you can do, it is over. We're done." He answered emotionlessly.

"Athrun…" she started; the smug tones she had been using conspicuously before is now absent from her voice. "Ok. I made a mistake. I know. I'm so–"

"No, you don't. And you're not sorry, because if you really were, you wouldn't do this to me. Twice! How the hell could you this to me?!" He interrupted her.

"But I love you," she said quietly.

With that he immediately got angry. "Don't! Don't you _dare_ say _that_ to me," he restrained himself from screaming. "I don't think you even know what those words mean."

"And you do?" she shot back to him in challenge.

He stared at her for a moment before replying, "Maybe I don't know either, but I do know that as long as I'm with you, I'll never find out," his voice low and calm.

"Oh really? And you think you'll find it with someone else?" she demanded.

"Yes!" he hissed at her. "There's someone out there, right now. Someone who wants me and needs me. Someone who will complete me. Someone who would give me their heart, their devotion and their life for me as I would them. Someone who would know that as long as I am still breathing, I will cherish the gift of their love for me above all and through eternity. "

"My God, Athrun. You're leaving me for some imaginary person you just made up?" she said shaking her head. "Don't be so naïve. That someone you described is all just a fairy tale."

"For you maybe," he said indifferently. "But I know in my heart, that person is out there right now waiting for me, and you know what?"

"What?" she flung her arms in the air in exasperation.

"I'll be waiting too," he said meeting her eyes. "Without you."

"You'll regret this, Athrun. If you walk out of this marriage, if you walk out of me, you'll regret it!" She shouted at him in icy fury.

"You _were_ once my fairy tale, Lacus." He made sure to emphasize the word, _'were'_ to her. He reached out to caress her face, wanting to wipe those tears away. But he stopped himself, and let his arms fall. So near and yet…so far out of reach.

"What happened to us, Lacus?"

He moved away from her and quietly walked towards the door and exited, ignoring the faint sobs he heard from her.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_~ Farewell, fair cruelty,_

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	10. 10 EXPECTING

10 - EXPECTING

_~ Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday._

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She'd been awake for at least two hours. Now that the dawn is bleeding through the drapes, she shifted under the covers and ran a hand over her warm belly. She hates to get up but she had to. No choice. But right now, being in the dark, it feels safe and warm to think.

Athrun's face appeared in her mind. She closed her eyes and thought about it. They rarely see each other nowadays, despite being married together and living in the same house. Sometimes, it felt like they are slowly breaking apart. The distance between them was harder and harder for her to bear.

But in the end, she was the one to blame, is it not? She was the one who started the ember, and it's now growing into a fire that's burning everything in its part.

She didn't want to think about what that might mean, particularly not now. She quickly thought about Athrun's face again. Even if it was difficult to remember the exact contours, she could always recall how it felt beneath her lips. She held onto that now, the smooth and soft skin over his cheekbones, the ever mesmerising emerald eyes of his, and the delicious taste of his lips….

With her eyes still shut, she swung her legs out of the bed and sat up.

The large bedroom mirror greeted her with her own reflection when she raised her head and looked towards it. Despite her hunched posture, even she would admit that her breasts looked enticing. They were fuller and firmer than she'd realized, and her hands came up in an unconscious gesture to cup them gently.

Lacus Zala let her hands move up to her face and then spoke in a whisper to the mirror, the delicate planes of her cheeks and forehead sculpted by the grey dawn light.

"What now?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Flay frown at her best friend, Lacus Cl – scratch that, her best friend had change her last name since five years ago. She is known as Lacus Zala now. Apparently the mysterious stranger incident is a serious fling after all, a very serious one indeed.

Flay followed her gaze in Athrun's direction. "Is everything all right between you and your husband?" she hesitantly asked her.

She knew how much courage it took Flay to ask the simple question. No matter how modern the world has become, things between a man and his wife would always be thought as no one's business but the couple themselves. She gently took Flay's hand and squeezed it lightly.

"Everything is fine," she assured Flay, silently praying that things will stay that way if Flay's suspicion proved to be true. "This has nothing to do with my marriage." She didn't want Flay to think that Athrun was the kind of husband that vents their anger out on their wives.

But the concern expression didn't leave Flay's face. "What is it then? There is definitely something going on with you."

She couldn't deny that any longer even if she had tried to hide it away to herself. She bit her lip and looked at her husband then slowly back at Flay, "I'm….not sure." She looked down, suddenly finding her shoes the most interesting thing at the moment. She didn't want to voice her suspicion, probably because it would give a sense of finality, of reality to it.

Flay placed a hand on her shoulder and gave an encouragement nod. "What is it, Lacus?"

She looked over her shoulder, "I'm not sure, but…"

"Tell me." Flay said gently.

She looked over her shoulder again, making sure that no one was within earshot. "Well…maybe…there's a possibility…."

"That Athrun is cheating on you?" Flay interrupted her.

"What? NO! No! He's not cheating on me." I_t's me._ She wouldn't tell Flay about that of course, she couldn't even tell her own mother. She had more than enough to be worry about, to be ashamed and guilt about one particular thing all week. "I think…I…I might be pregnant."

"A baby!" Flay squealed, then quickly lowered her voice as Lacus shushed her. "Wow! A Baby, Lacus! That's wonderful!"

She suppressed a grimace. _It might have been if the baby had been my husband's_, she thought bitterly. She had missed her monthly cycle, had been constantly tired, and had experience some bouts of nausea and dizziness for the past few weeks. Worst of it all…with all the workouts she'd done, she's still gaining weight.

"Oh, come on Lacus!" Flay hugged her exuberantly. "Why the long face? This is great news! We should celebrate!"

She licked her lips then turned to glance at her husband again.

Flay followed her gaze. "How did he react? I bet he's –"

"I didn't tell him."

Flay blinked and gave her a disbelieving stare, "What? Why not?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "It's…complicated."

"Complicated?" Flay raised her eyebrows. She couldn't see what would be so complicated about being pregnant. Unless….unless….

Flay leaned closer to her, "Lacus…does Athrun doesn't want children?"

She remained silent. Her gaze searched for Athrun, who is playing with her little nephew, Johann. Johann raised his arms up and Athrun bent down and enveloped him in his arms.

Watching them, she felt a thick lump rise in her throat. She blinked and glanced away, trying not to wish the child Athrun held was their own.

"You must tell him, Lacus. No matter how complicated things are between you and him, he deserves to know. He is your husband; you can't hide this from him." Flay said and gives her a hug before rushing towards Kira, who was having difficulty handling their first born baby.

She sighed and unconsciously her hands touched her belly again. She knew she couldn't go on like this for much longer. Soon, her pregnancy would be obvious. She knew she had no choice but to tell him, but she lacked the courage to do it.

Flay is right, a baby should be happy news. But this baby…

_This is going to be a disaster…_

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_~ This day is the hope you were expecting and the fears you were dreading._

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(Thanks to IgNighted, my awesome beta for beta-reading this!)


	11. 11 CHEAT

11 - CHEAT

_~ Love is a game in which one always cheats._

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"Incredible, isn't she? Half of PLANT is in love with her, though I think she doesn't appear to even notice it."

"Who is she?"

"Believe it or not, she is the future daughter-in-law of Chairman Zala. Athrun Zala is a very lucky man indeed."

He merely grunted. "I will have her in my bed in a week."

"You do know she is getting married?"

"So?"

His friend just shook his head but said nothing more.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

He had wanted this for a very long time, since he first met her — a pleasant debauchery between her pale, creamy thighs. He swung the door and it opened on silent hinges.

_Perfect, she's asleep._ His mouth curved into a wicked half smile. Perhaps awakening her might prove even more interesting.

No lamps were lit. No sounds came from within. He paused at the door and even in the darkness he could make out the gleam of her shiny cherry blossom hair, the outline of her body in the big four-poster bed.

_Good, she's alone tonight._

She was naked, he saw, the sheet pushed down to just above the curve of her bottom. His body immediately stirred. The arousal he felt the moment he entered her bedchamber began to intensify. Quietly he walked across the thick oriental carpet and sat down on the edge of the bed. Only a sliver of moon lit the night, but a thin ray slanted across the bed, illuminating the pale skin of a long, slender neck.

His blood pump faster, grew hotter. He bent forward and pressed a soft kiss at her nape and caught the slight fragrance of lavender. He kissed the smooth pale skin across her shoulders, and she shifted a little on the bed.

His arousal throbbed, growing hard against the front of his pants. He wanted to turn her onto her back, to fondle her lovely breasts and ram himself into her body. Instead he trailed kisses down her spine and was rewarded with a sweetly feminine whimper. He slid the sheet down a little father, kissed the dimple just above the swell of her left buttock, then moved toward the lovely heart-shaped mole marking the spot just above the dimple on the opposite side.

Feeling her body stir and begin to turn over on the mattress, he moved quickly, he clamped his palm over her mouth and pinned her against his chest. He could feel her trembling; see the fear in her pretty blue eyes. As she began to recognize him, her body slowly stilled but her breathing remained rapid.

"Are you going to scream?" he asked quietly before moving his hand away from her mouth.

"I don't think so," she whispered. Then his hands came up to cup her face. Her eyes were already closing as she said, "No, I'm not going to scream."

His lips claimed hers in a fierce kiss. He possessed her mouth thoroughly, and without resistance she parted her lips. His tongue rubbed sensuously against hers and then went deeper to explore her delicious mouth. His arms wrapped around her. Smoothing over her back, his hands settled on her waist and drew her closer until their bodies melded together.

Her arms came up and locked behind his neck. He raised his head and gazed down at her with fevered eyes. His fingers ran through her silky hair. "I want you, Lacus."

She needed no further coaxing. Her hands tangled in his silver hair and pulled his face down to hers. Their mouths met with equal need, each hot and moist and desperate. His hand slowly moved between their bodies and covered her breast. An inquisitive thumb stroked across a nipple.

"Yzak…" she moaned and arched upward against him. Embarrassed by his scrutiny and her response to his touch, she shut her eyes. His mouth closed over her left breast. The pleasure overwhelms her completely and she cried his name again softly.

"Lacus," he murmured against her damp skin. "You're so delicious." His mouth continued to torture and tease and she knew that she was lost. The battle was over before it was begun. She wanted this now as much as he did.

His body moved along hers, his chest raked against her breasts. A thumb caressed her cheek as he kissed her long and deep. His hand touched the satin skin of her hip and along her thighs, slowly travelling between them. Her sharp intake of breath echoed when he stroked her appreciatively. His fingers worked like magic and she bit her lip and moaned in pleasure. Fervent kisses rained on her breasts as his hand continued to stroke her. When she could not take it anymore, she clutched him tightly. He moved over her, but restrained himself long enough to ask hoarsely, "Do you want this, my dear Lacus?"

She froze. Did she want this? She doesn't know. A vision of another face was projected onto her brain, but she refused to look at it. She was at such a level of desire that nothing else mattered. She couldn't deny the desires he had awakened. None of this should be happening. But it was.

As he gently nudged her knees apart and settled himself between her thighs, slowly…she nodded her head.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_Plump milk-white breast, an impossibly narrow waist, and lush, womanly hips._ He grinned and thought of the pleasures that had transpired between them and smiled.

"If your intentions are as transparent as the look on your face; I suggest you stopped this…affair of yours immediately."

"As I recall, she didn't even complain at all the last time."

"Need I remind you, that you're here on business assignment? It would hardly improve your family company's relations to ZalaCorp if you're found with your pants around your ankles, half-naked with someone else's wife, as in Athrun Zala's wife!"

"Like I give a damn," He scoffed, "Relax Nicol, I've always been very discreet."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

They were heavily panting and naked in one another's arms, face to face, covered only by a light cotton sheet. He nuzzled his face against the side of her neck and whispered, "Lacus." He kissed the curve of her jaw. "Let's do it one more time?"

She sighed under her breathe and got up from the bed. He watched as she began grabbing her clothes. "What are you doing?"

"I'm going home."

He sniggered at her statement, "I'm sure your husband won't even notice you're not home. But then again, he's never home lately, is he?"

She looked at him coldly, still clutching her undergarments in her hands. She turned her back to him and quickly starts to dress herself.

"Come back to bed, Lacus. Stay with me tonight." He pleaded.

When she finished buttoning the last button on her silk shirt, she turned back to him. That's when he saw some kind of battle being fought behind those mesmerizing blue eyes. One of the emotions won and she spoke softly.

"Today…is the last."

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

She sipped her coffee as her friend stares at her, waiting for her to speak.

"Promise me you'll keep it a secret." Her voice sounded edgy.

"Obviously, darling." Martin Dacosta nodded his head at her, "Discretion is one of my greater virtues."

"Don't you think I acted like a slut?"

"Not at all! Besides, ladies have a right to act like sluts now and then."

"But it's…I'm cheating on my husband with a man who's basically his archenemy!"

"So what? Yzak's so hot! I'm crazy about him!" Martin smirked.

She rolled her eyes and sighed out loud.

"Don't feel so bad." He comforted her. "If your husband doesn't realize he's neglecting you…that you're a lady, and you need maintenance as well…it's only fair that you look for other ways to make up for it."

She stayed silent at his words.

"I don't know…I feel like…a whore." She inwardly cringed.

"Well, if you're a whore, where does that leave me?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

_Ring…_

One time, two times, three times.

She swiftly picked up her mobile from the small table beside the bed where it had been left. A short glance on the display, before she flipped the phone open confirmed her suspicion who might be calling her at half past ten.

"Hello?"

"_Hello, Lacus."_

Her heart skipped a beat. "Hello sweetheart."

"_How are you?"_

"Fine, I'm well."

"_What were you up to?"_

"Nothing. I was about to go to bed."

"_I see. Lacus, you sound stressed. Are you ok?"_ He asked concerned.

"Yes, everything's fine. How about you?"

"_I'm fine too. Lots of meeting today, and I've just finished the last one."_ He let out a heavy sigh. _"Lacus…do you love me?"_

"Of course I do! Why? Do you doubt it?"

"_No, no, I don't. I just like to hear you say it."_

"Well then, I love you, I love you, I love you." She smiled when she heard him chuckled through the phone.

"_Alright, alright. I love you too. Sleep well, ok?"_

"Okay, I will."

"_Bye."_

"Bye."

There was a small pause then she heard a clicked. He had hung up. For a moment, she felt…content. For some reason, she felt…happy. Despite his busy schedule, he still managed to take the time to give her a call. If only….if only he spends more time with her….a familiar uneasiness began to plague her.

She flipped her phone closed and clutched it closer to her chest. Under the low light, a small glimmer caught her eye. She stared down; her fingers grasp around the ruby necklace she wore. The corners of her mouth curled up as a certain memory emerged in her mind.

"_What is this?" she asked pointing at a stone._

"_That is a ruby."_

"_I don't rate a diamond?"_

"_Diamonds are too cold for you." He simply stated._

"_And what is ruby supposed to stand for?"_

"_Passion…and love." _

She grips the gem tighter. Out of the blue, strong arms wrapped around her and felt something bury against her neck. She pulled away immediately. "Yzak, don't."

He paused a little then continued his intrusion, ignoring her protest along the way.

"Yzak! Just…stop! Please..."

"What's the matter, Lacus?" He demanded.

"I don't feel like doing it, tonight." She said slowly.

"Then sex is out. I would like to stay with you tonight. We can merely sleep."

She turned and looked at him with raised eyebrows and a sceptical expression.

"I can…if you can." He teased.

"That's what you said the last time. And remember what happened?"

"You're still mad about that?"

"The last time we did it, we have not….been careful." Her tone serious.

He started to caress her cheek but she turned away before he could, "Lacus, it was only once, I assure you it won't happen again." He gently cupped her face, and made her looked at him, "If you're so worried about getting knocked up…fine, I'll wear protection."

She pushed him away and slowly backed away from him, "You're right. It won't happen again because we're not doing it again. We should stop this. We're not doing this anymore. I want this to stop."

"That exactly what you said the last time too," He grinned wickedly and stepped closer to her, "I don't think either of us wants to. Besides, I can't seem to forget how beautiful you are when you're naked…or how soft your skin felt beneath mine when I kissed you."

Before she could react, he kissed her forcefully, his hands slowly roaming all around her body. Embarrassment and fear shot through her. She quickly straightens her spine. She squirmed and pushed hard against him, "Let. Me. Go." She struggled to get out of his grip.

In a harsh voice he whispered into her ear, "You see, Lacus. The only thing that separates you from the whores who sell their wares on the street corners…is the price you demand."

It took a moment for the words to sink in her. When it registered in her fogged mind, the pain she felt from his assaults turns to anger. He was still holding her as he smugly smiled down at her. She glared at him hard.

SLAP!

Her right hand arced and swung at his cheek in a resounding slap.

He was stunned…speechless. Never in a million years had he expected her to do that. Fury filled his face with such terrible intent that she thought he might very well murder her at the spot.

Without a backward glance or another word, he left her. And she was alone once more.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Fresh from the shower, he reached for a white silk robe and walked across the carpeted living room to the bar. The hotel suite was on the twenty-first floor, and the large windows were uncovered, exposing the night. The view was very breath-taking. He poured an inch of whiskey into a heavy crystal glass and relaxed against the bar, staring at the city lights mingling with the stars. The particular view had always moved him with its piercing beauty. Every so often he allowed the tensions of the day to drift away into that great expanse of flickering light at night, feeling the world settle back into some kind of order.

He sipped his whiskey and watched the stars revolve around him. He wondered…is she still awake? Does she miss him as much as he misses her?

_Knock knock…_

He glanced at the clock on the wall as he walked towards the door. It was one a.m. Who could possibly be knocking his door at this hour? Before he reached the door, he saw a sealed envelope being slipped through the small gap between the door and the floor.

Puzzled, he quickly opened the door and looked around the hotel corridor. Finding no one in sight he entered his room, picking up the mysterious envelope along the way.

He opened it, and found several pictures inside.

He stopped breathing as anger seething in his emerald eyes.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

_~ I don't wanna know, if you're playin' me, keep it on the low, cause my heart can't take it anymore…_

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(Slight smut…can't help it. This chapter is un-beta, therefore any mistakes are mine and mine alone. Enjoy reading. Btw, thinking of writing a short Christmas fic for this couple…)


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